Our Story, Part 3

So Brian left for Venezuela, and I went back to Logan a few days later. Life moved on, but I still missed him so much. We wrote back and forth about anything and everything, except how we felt. It was kind of assumed, but as the saying goes, "Distance makes the heart grow fonder... or forgetful." He was busy with the work, and I was trying to keep myself busy at school and with my job so I wouldn't get so lonely. I went on a few dates and hung out with friends, determined not to "wait" for him. I guess between my stubbornnes of "not waiting" and my forgetfulness, I started doubting whether anything between us had been real, and if I wasn't just making it up in my head.

I began making plans to go to Boston for an internship and many other things, and the next summer I decided to stay up in Logan to work. In June of 2004 I began dating someone and it quickly became serious. We were engaged in July and married in December. Whenever someone asked, "What about Brian?" I never denied that I loved him, not once, but I didn't have the faith to believe that any of it was real, and we had never said anything outloud. I didn't want to wait and have nothing happen.

Brian supported me in my decision, though he told me later that he wanted to say something, but didn't because he could see how stressful it was to have my whole family against my upcoming marriage and he wanted to be there for me as a friend. When he got home from his mission, I attended his homecoming by myself and it was great to see him. A little awkward, but still wonderful.

My whole marriage was rough, and 9 months to the day, he told me he thought we'd be happier with other people. (I knew immediately that it would be Brian.) I left Logan for the last time the next day.

The next few months of my life were literally hell. I couldn't sleep, so I had to take pills, I couldn't eat, so I lost over 15 lbs. which doesn't seem like much, but I looked skeletal. I was faking smiles and happiness and everyone could tell.

A couple days after I had moved home, I called Brian and we went out to dinner and I told him what had happened. He was very supportive as I cried and tried to deal with this new kind of pain. The next few months were bittersweet, because he was always there for me to cry to and if I needed a hug, but we had to be really careful because I was still technically married.

While I was recovering and processing, he began to date someone else, and this only made the pain worse. By that point, I knew that we were supposed to be together for sure, but he still needed time to figure it out. Eventually, we slowly started dating and taking things a little at a time. We had a few break ups that tested our relationship, but we finally made it through.

On October 28th, 2006 Brian suggested we get all dressed up and go out to dinner. We went to Winger's in a formal dress and tux, and we got a few stares, but we had a great time. On the way home, we stopped at the same stake center where we'd gone after graduation, and danced under the same streetlight. He then got down on one knee and proposed. It was perfect.

On March 17th, 2007 we were married for time and all eternity in the Bountiful, UT temple. It was a perfect day, and we were completely happy.

The story has a lot more twists and turns, but that would require many more posts. Let's just say, I have chosen a wonderful man to spend eternity with and he makes each day better than the last. We have tough times, due mostly to my lingering issues, but he is so strong and understanding, and knows exactly what to do to make me realize he's not going anywhere, ever again.

THE BEGINNING