Actually I'd call it a grey lining, or even yucky green. And a blessing in a horrible, miserable, wish-I-never-had-to-do-this disguise.
Yesterday was my follow-up appointment to make sure things are back to "normal" after my surgery. Let me just tell you how emotionally difficult it was to just go back to that office. I know I'll be fine with it eventually but it was still hard.
The doctor said that there really weren't any answers for why I miscarried. Which is just the way it is sometimes. It just happened. The comforting thing is that this doesn't make me high-risk. This doesn't mean I'll be likely to miscarry again. It does mean I'll be more nervous, obviously, but they'll just check things earlier on and in all likelihood I'll be just fine.
The one good thing is that they got that mole. Apparently, it was BAD. I can't remember all of the details, and I didn't understand all the medical terms anyway, but he said it was malignant but that the bad cells (or whatever) had only spread to the edge of the mole and since he just took out barely around it, it looks like they've gotten it all. He said this means that I need to super careful in the future to watch for other moles or growths or things because they'll need to be removed immediately.
This news doesn't make the other pain any easier to deal with, but it at least gives me something. Some kind of explanation of why this happened this way, and at this time. If I had progressed further in my pregnancy and the mole had gone untreated, who knows what kind of decision I would have to make later on. Treatment for cancer, or my baby? I'm very thankful I don't have to make that decision.
Brian was a little shaken by this as well, not wanting to think of the possible outcomes. But we're both grateful that the doctor was smart enough to remove that mole when he did. Otherwise we could be dealing with a whole other trial right now.
Heavenly Father knows what he's doing. And even though I didn't get the whole answer, He's given me a little bit, just enough to reaffirm that He knows what's going on and He knows what's best. And that's all I need right now, to keep going.
4 comments:
It's good to know that the Lord has a hand in our life and health. Things happen for a reason, and yes, while this is a very trying time for you and Brian, I'm so glad that the Dr. was able to remove the mole so that you didn't have any more surprises later on down the road with that! So scary!
I'm glad you're not high risk and that you had the mole removed. You writing that is reminding me that I need to get Brian in to have some moles looked at so thanks for the reminder. I'm sorry you've had to go through all of this. I've come to decide that sometimes things happen just to see what we're really made of. I'm glad that you're a good enough person to pass that test. Best of luck on trying again :)
It seems like miscarriage is pretty common among my friends. I had two friends who miscarried two years ago and they both got pregnant again. And, the better part of the story was that they both gave birth to beautiful baby girls. So, I think it'll come when the time is right for you :)
I know it's probably not my place to say, but I can't even begin to imagine what you've gone through. However, I know there's a reason you've had to go through this, I just don't know what it is. I wish I could do something to fix everything, but know your in my prayers.
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