First of all, a BIG THANK YOU to everyone who left comments, or called, or texted, or dropped by, and for all the hugs and tears and prayers. It is all very much appreciated.
We're doing pretty good. The emotions come and go still, but we just keep going, day by day. Which is really the only thing you can do. We know our Heavenly Father has a plan for us and this is just a part of it. He will help us through it.
At some moments my head just wants to skip ahead of all of this and get to the part where I can get pregnant again so I don't have to think about this all of the time. I am a big planner and right now I know I'm not really in the right place to plan for anything yet. Because at other moments I know my heart is telling me, "I need more time! I'm not ready to try and do this all again." And then I worry that maybe we should wait even longer to try again. So I know I'm not ready to really plan these things because my head and my heart are not in sync yet. It just needs more time.
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While all of this has been going on, school started for Brian! Obviously, it was a roller coaster of a first week and he ended up missing some classes so he could be with me, which I very much appreciated. But he's getting going this week and seems to be liking his classes just fine. He only has 4 classes and one is only once a week. He says that he thinks it'll be more intense than last year, but they'll give them more time for their projects. I'm sure he'll make it through just fine.
Last night we loaded up the Jeep and took back all of his stuff so he could move into his home at school. :) My house now looks empty. I never realize how much space his stuff takes up until he goes back to school. And I still have models up on all my shelves! He says he'll get rid of those eventually. We'll see. :)
Going back to the Architecture building reminded me of those first few months when he started in the program. We were practically living at the school because we carpooled in from Bountiful every day. It was quite the experience, but we can now look back on it and smile about how late we were there every night and how we ate Wendy's almost every night for dinner. (We didn't eat Wendy's for almost a year after we moved down here.) It was actually a pretty happy time in our lives because we'd only been married for about 6 months and we were just happy to be together.
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Even though I graduated last summer, when school started I was still de-stressing so I couldn't fully enjoy that I didn't have to go back. I wasn't out of the mindset enough to want to do anything but read or cross-stitch.
This year however, seeing everyone start back to school has made me feel a need to be crafty for some reason. I really want to fix up some things around our house, maybe get some projects going, stuff like that. And now that I'm not in school I feel like I have the time. I know that Brian's going to be busy so I want to keep myself busy instead of just vegging like I did last year. We'll see how productive I really can be.
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And finally, with the start of school, I think about Fall. I know it's still very hot outside, but I love the fall! I love the crispness in the air and the changing of the leaves. I love that I can start to wear sweaters again and cute jackets. (It's also a plus that it's cooler outside because I have no A/C in my car.) Fall also has the second best holiday, Thanksgiving. Lots of food. Nuff' said.
Fall makes me think of Logan, because honestly, Logan has the prettiest falls ever. I loved the fall in Logan because the campus is covered with huge trees and it's right by the mountains. Taking a walk through or around campus was one of my favorite things to do. It's one of the things I miss about Logan. I might drag Brian up there this fall just to take a drive through Sardine canyon and then take a walk around campus. :)
So even though it's still summer and we've yet to stop reaching the 90's in temperature, I'm waiting for fall to get here. It seems to match my mood and comfort me all at the same time. I can't wait until I can go outside and breathe in that fall smell.
It's always good to have something to look forward to.
2 comments:
Isn't it crazy to look back at those first few months/years of marriage when you're in school? I think of that very same thing--except Nate & I were *working* at Wendy's every night...which also meant eating Wendy's everyday (sometimes twice!) Amazingly enough, it is still the fast food place we frequent the most. :)
If you decide to take a trip up to Logan, call us, and we'll see if we can go. I want to go up there too, and take the kids and show them around campus and such.
Melissa, my heart goes out to you and Brian for the loss you've experienced. I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you. I'm glad you're doing a little bit better. Like you said, take it one day at a time. Now to switch topics...you've got me missing Logan with all that fall talk. ;) I would love to be able to visit again! Hopefully soon. But until I can, you should take lots of pictures so I can live thru you. ;D Good luck with everything! I'm so glad I can keep up with you thru your blog. :)
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